The bigger problem is everyone has kids already. But by 45 or so you can start looking for people with adult kids.
nobody has kids at that age in the urban coastal cities. i’m 40 i’ve never dated or met a single mother.
I had my first kid at 40, which was on the later side but not at all unusual.
I came from a more rural area and occasionally here about people my age back there being grandparents already and just have to shake my head at those choices. It just doesn’t happen here
yeah i grew up rural and by mid twenties all my HS peers were married w/ kids or doing drugs/prison. I was in graduate school on the other side of the country at 25 and marriage kids was a decade away in my mind.
least to i haven’t been back there since i was 19 years old and never kept any HS friends.
I feel this in my core. Dating in your 30s is like dating at max difficulty
I find it much easier!
- People are less shy
- They have more experience
- They know better what they are looking for
- Their fantasy marriage/life has been renounced
- People are much more chill about sex matters
- Their romantic histories are quite telling
- Most people have their own place
- Careers are mostly stable
/
Cons
- Much smaller dating pool
- Many have kids already
- More difficult to make friends/meet people in general
speak for yourself. i have found dating as a 30+ adult to be way more dramatic and miserable than it was in my 20s.
nobody in my 20s was having a temper tantrum at dinner because the restaurant isn’t expensive enough for their ‘brand’.
This sounds like one very specific date
nah it’s multiple dates. it’s also a common attitude that men need to ‘impress’ dates by spending a lot at restaurants otherwise they ‘devalue’ a woman. asking someone out on a cheap date to get to know them isn’t the point… the point is to win them over by spending money on them.
basically a lot of people see dating as prostitution with extra steps. and wonder why they are single.
Dude, I’ve been on many, many dates in my 30s. I have never experienced this in the least and I am a frugle date. I recommend reevaluating your “type” of women if this is a recurring thing.
I don’t quite get it. Is the problem that you miss being pursued by younger people?
All the good men are already taken, the ones who are still available are single for a reason.
If you’re still looking for good men at 35 you’re also single for a reason
Not necessarily. If she was an anxious attached style she’d be more likely to fall for avoidant men. She could either:
- Now recognize the red flags of avoidants and not subject herself to that.
- Be unaware of the red flags of avoidants and keep making the same mistake
- Recently left a long term relationship as an secure individual and discover how many avoidants really exist.
Of course you are right, she could be avoidant to, in which case hopefully she’ll learn sooner rather than later that fearing intimacy and vulnerability is detrimental, and that healthy codependency is actually a thing. But it’s not easy for them to do so.
I don’t like to think that everyone is incapable of finding someone, people just need to figure out why. Pointing out “single for a reason” seems counterproductive and a bit disrespectful.
I think “single for a reason” is what all that attachment theory shit is trying to help contextualize. It specifically sets the context as “single for a fixable reason” if you have the courage and humility to do the work.
Is living in the forest because I’m afraid of the federal government a “fixable” reason?
no
:(
The real secret to dating after 35 - don’t.
Folks are not looking to “date”: they’re after long term commitment OR quick hook ups. The middle ground really vanishes when you get older!
you can’t build a successful relationship without dating and getting to know if you’re a good fit.
Yes and no; I’ve met some people who were great to date but hell to live with.
A good relationship starts with both people knowing what they want - and continual contact helps determine if the other person is being honest about what they want. Post 35/30, this process is often a lot faster, and dating skill matters less than ability not to annoy the person you’re suddenly around 24/7.
If it matches from the start, or a compromise grows, you’re in for a winner. Otherwise, back to the sea of the undead you go, no matter how good your dating skill!
Am I the only one having a stroke trying to understand:
“clears up again after the first wave of divorces (after 35?)”
yeah you are. it’s really easy to understand.
the pool was clear before people got married. it clears up again after the first wave of divorces. clear meaning ‘there are desirable people to date’
are you ESL?
Not OP, but I think it’s fairly confusingly worded because clear implies empty, but the intent seems to be to imply lots of choices.
no. clear empties quality when it comes to water. clear as in transparent.
clear water is good, opaque water is dirty and unsafe.
you are thinking of clear in the sense of space, not water. clear space is empty.
The problem is, everyone THINKS that they’re the woman in this meme.
True, in reality everyone in the ghoul. Dating does become harder the older you get. When you’re 18 and you date an 18 year old, both have very little life and dating experience. You basically mix water with water. When you’re 35, you’re vinegar and even if you like your date, she might be oil and you just don’t mix. You have to compromise, which only gets harder and harder.
It’s not harder, objectively.
It’s just that people’s expectations aren’t realistic. And nobody is more bitter than average folks who think they are the top 1% of the dating pool, which is what the average person thinks. So many people in the dating pool make like 50k/yr and think you should be a millionaire to date them.
I’ve met so many women who are complete average looking, average income, etc. who think they DESERVE Don Draper and anything less is ‘below them’. They’d rather be alone with their fantasy TV boyfriend then be in a real relationship with a person who is their equal with whom they can build a good life.
I’m a medium successful dude, and when I go out dating all I seem to encounter women who are worse than me in pretty much every metric who dunk on me for not being the top 1% man of their dreams. Like I can run a half marathon, no problem, but these ladies who can’t even run a mile will dunk on me for not being in the Olympics. I have more wealth than 80% of other americans, and to most women I meet, I am ‘poor’.
and if you go check out ‘female dating advice’ on social media… 99% of it reflects this crazy unrealistic attitude and it’s SUPER popular.
Date leftists? Like, actual leftists. I know, it’s a small pool in America, but you’d be surprised what’s out there if you join the right community.
You’re going after people who buy into the capitalist heirarchy and being surprised it’s all just shallow self-delusions. Idk, just seems self defeating.
A good chunk of the people I’m talking about identify as leftists.
Your political ideals also have nothing to do with your personal expectations and habits in relationships. Plenty of ‘leftist’ women I have met 100% expect traditional gender roles and aspire to be SAHM. And a lot of leftists I knew in my 20s are now hardcore right wingers now.
Hell half my liberal/leftie graduate school cohort is now support Trump/Republicans.
I think your definition of leftist and mine are quite different.
sorry, is there a test i can perform on people to know if they are ‘true leftist’?
if not, you should create a ‘leftist testing kit’ like they have for covid so i can bring it on dates and swab them and know in 15 minutes if they are a leftist or not!
As a general rule, not believing in capitalism and income based heirarchy is a good start.
The attitude of assuming all women you meet are inferior to you (and they’re the ones who have too-high standards?) can also make your dating life miserable, just saying
I’m not assuming anything. I’m reporting how people behave. If I meet someone who is a middle class job and they are telling me I’m a ‘POS loser’ for not driving car that is worth more than their annual salary, the issue isn’t me. I think my Subaru is pretty dope.
Just go on any dating tiktok or dating advice community. You will find tons and tons of people with these attitudes.
