In the last year or so I started to see so many people of my age that have done truly incredible things and still doing more.
For the vast majority of my life my only goals were gettimg academic satisfaction and doing unproductive stuff in the free time to get temporary pleasure. No end goal whatsoever.
I kind of don’t know what I’ve been doing in the last 17 years while someone gets a patent on solar systems, other invents a new recyclable plastic, and another found a successful startup. I mean, they all find what they’re supposed to be doing with their lives and excel in them.
I feel overwhelmed for trying to pace up with these kind of people. Yet I don’t like the way the things are and I can’t do anything but envy those people.
Anyone with experience in this regard? How did you deal with this? Did you eventually “pace up” with these people or was it too late or an unattainable goal?
Edit: Whoops, I didn’t expect so many replies! Thanks, I’ll look into them all
The best way to be miserable in life is to compare yourself to others. Just do your best, thats all that matters
I’m really trying to not make this a way to mess up with my mental state, but instead a search on how to achieve the best of myself. I just want to know how these people are waking up in the morning and do the stuff they do.
one of my psychologist friends said a long time ago “if you don’t keep improving yourself, then what’s the point in living”.
you’re clearly already taking steps on self-improvement and personal introspection, which is probably one of the hardest things a human can do.
honestly you’re already kicking goals if you try and be a better person each day. No one can ask more of you.
Some people are just wired differently, those people are programmed in a way that just so happens to be congruent with our society. It’s not that something is wrong with you, it’s just that society is “more right” for them.
I’ve improved my life quite a lot but it’s hard to give advice to others.
The comparison mindset is really bad though. It literally doesn’t matter what another monkey on this planet does. Your thoughts about how to improve your life are ones you have to discuss with yourself (maybe guided by a therapist). There is no wrong way to live but you have to make the choice on how you want to.
Life has no purpose. You cannot waste it. You only live and die. Do what you want, or don’t. It doesn’t matter.
Looks like someone has been reading the book of Ecclesiastes!
Everything comes with a cost. To be successful in one area means missing out in others. Everyone likes to post their success on Facebook or LinkedIn, but they also don’t post about all the evenings spent arguing with their wife or missing out on their children growing up or whatever. Success is not easily defined.
Most people like to keep things balanced, as in not having extreme losses in one area, but that also means that they’re not successful in something particular. That kind of balance is a success in itself, though it’s rather invisible.
You’re not supposed to do anything in your life. When the grim reaper comes along you won’t be able to bring it along.
You’re not dead. Be successful in whatever you want.
In 100 years, very few of those people will be remembered. In 1000 years very, very few of them will have had a tangible, lasting impact on the world.
We are meaningless specs of dust in the universe. Don’t hold yourself accountable to imaginary standards being set by the rare few that manage to create a footprint a microcosim larger than the spec of dust they are. Enjoy yourself and create as much joy as you can in your tiny corner of reality as possible, and you’ll have lived a damn good life.
When you look at someone else’s life, you only see the Highlights Reel. You don’t hear about all the boring in between moments, their struggles with imposter syndrome and insecurities, their relational arguments or troubles with their family, all the BS.
Life isn’t about keeping up.
It’s a parlor trick, magically coming into existence for a fraction of a moment in this infiniteness of time and space. The best thing we can do is cherish the miracle and squeeze the most happiness for the time we have. It’s respecting life.
For some, that means service to others. For others, it’s patenting science projects. And then there’s those that find it in an honest job, being good to people they love, and exploring hobbies from time to time.
Happiness is definitely not a contest. Especially one that you put yourself through fully knowing you won’t win.
But if you feel like you need more value in your life, it’s never too late to do something new.
It’s not just you, it’s all of us. But what people really regret when they are facing the end is perhaps different from your fears as expressed here.
Five wishes of the dying:
- “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”
- “I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.”
- “I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.”
- “I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.”
- “I wish I had let myself be happier”
From The Top Five Regrets of the Dying: A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing by Bronnie Ware
Funny…as I age I tend to have a similar view. But we’re told hindsight is 20/20. The one motivating factor for me is the fact that a lot of what I have accomplished has made a difference to those who have shared in it. Which, to me, means we’re doing incredible things people envy just at a different scale. Besides…there may not be a tomorrow, but there is always a today to do something better.
Not really. After having been through some deaths and illnesses of people close to me, every normal day is a good day to me. No news is good news, I can live my life quietly and how I want.
As for success in life, if I take care of myself, try not to make things around me worse, and try to help others I’m pretty happy with that. In my work we make a few products from scratch so I feel like I contribute to society.
Hmm, take it easy on yourself. You don’t have to be someone known. Just enjoy what you have and stay satisfied. I know its harder to do than to say but human desires can keep you wanting for whole life.
Our realm is full of noisy things, making us chase/desire what we don’t have, and that is deliberate.
Fill your life with positivity, Change your prescription. Greed and envy will only give you negativity.
“But what do you really want to do with your life?” is a question that comes up a lot in our lives. I’ve spent a chunk of my life trying to find the answer before realizing that what I want to do or think I should be doing is inconsequential. The important question is how you want to feel. You could patent the whole universe and be the richest person on earth and still feel like a failure or an imposter. That’s why rich and famous celebrities kill themselves – despite achieving what everyone desires, the promised happiness remains elusive, if not even more distant.
As time marches on, you’ll find yourself remembering lesser and lesser of what you did with so and so, but you’ll always remember how they make you feel.
How you feel has to do with your attitude in life. You can feel happy and contented right here and right now, without changing anything externally. Live every moment as if it’s your last, then you’ll always know what’s important in life.
I’m just enjoying the ride. Not concerned about wasting time or achievement. Kudos to those who strive to make a difference. I’m just happy to be here!
The best time to make a change in your life was 10 years ago, the second best time is now.
Don’t base your happiness on your achievements as compared to others. Life isn’t deterministic, every person is working with a different set of skills and circumstances. Set your own goals based on what you want to do, and work toward that.
If you don’t know what you want to do, start trying new things.
Hell, If I clean/do chores, exercise, or cook a meal after work I call it a win for that day.
I do the reverse. If there was something else I could do that day, it’s lost. And goddamn so often I do mistakes and feel bad about it.
A carpenter and his apprentice were walking together through a large forest. And when they came across a tall, huge, gnarled, old, beautiful oak tree, the carpenter asked his apprentice: “Do you know why this tree is so tall, so huge, so gnarled, so old and beautiful?” The apprentice looked at his master and said: “No…why?”
“Well,” the carpenter said, “because it is useless. If it had been useful it would have been cut long ago and made into tables and chairs, but because it is useless it could grow so tall and so beautiful that you can sit in its shade and relax.”
Source: Henri Nouwen, Out of Solitude (Ave Maria Press, 1974, 2004), pages 26-27
Sorry I don’t understand. How does this relate to the post?
This is a metaphor about not only seeking value in goal chasing or accomplishing. Try to value your offtime as much as your dedicated goal chasing time. See the value in doing nothing.
See the value in doing nothing.
Yes
This is what happens when you grow up with boomers in your ear, yelling at you to get a job and make a family. They insist that’s what life is about. But it’s not. Life is about being happy. When it boils down to it, that’s all we really want. Even terrible people do what they do because it makes them happy.
I’m only just taking my baby steps out of this mindset. I learned I can do things no one else around me can. Some may not be marketable skills, but that’s not always necessary.
I don’t work. Thanks to autistic burnout, I’m a shell of my former self. But in that time, I have saved 11 kitten lives and given 3 very short lives happiness they never would have seen otherwise. I’ve brought kittens from the brink of death by starvation to stocky, healthy kittens who now have loving homes. It takes time and effort to do that. One was so sick from starvation he barely moved, and I got him strong enough to get up and play.
It’s not worth any money to have this talent. Not to me anyway. They are all attached to a shelter that makes the money. They make me happy.
It’s not about “pacing up” as you say, or making a mark in history. We need those people, but you don’t need to be one of them. If everyone made breakthroughs, they wouldn’t be as important. The bar would just get set even higher. You make a difference to the people around you. I don’t value my life, but I learned to appreciate that other people do value my life, and that’s good enough.
Let me just say that besides you doing a great thing you’ve put it so eloquently. It made so much sense in my head. You’re having an impact on the lives of those cats. Thank you!
Thanks! I’m glad it makes sense.
