If you like malapropisms, you’ll love Martha Plimpton’s character in Raising Hope, Virginia. Procrasturbate and vaginacologist are a couple favorites.

Bonus: her middle name is Slims. Virginia Slims Chance

If you’re ever a victim of these crimes, make sure to dial 0118 999 881 999 119 725 3.

James Bond is actually a time lord. It explains why he changes how he looks every few movies. This is backed up by the fact that Timothy Dalton played a time lord once in Doctor Who.

To me, a baby is often a poop butt because of the diaper. Teenagers are often shit asses because they’re rebelling.

I assume they take it to another toilet or a compost pile. Maybe they need a fecal transplant and don’t have health insurance.

A little too real for work, huh? 😂

My first thought: “Princess Diana was a real person.”

Derp

Holy motherforking shirtballs… someone stole my post idea!

I’m in the US and I can do this. I call my primary care, they connect me with a nurse, and I tell them what’s going on. They will then inform me if I should go to UC, ER, or wait for an appointment. The primary care office even has a walk in clinic as an option. This is why it’s good to have a primary care physician, even if insurance doesn’t require it.

Lemmyvores?

No worries. Misunderstandings happen. 😀

Perhaps I should have said “plush dog.”

I blew way too much money on a stuffed dog at a hotel general store for my wife. We were driving a Uhaul during a snowstorm to move in together. The roads became very slippery so we decided to sleep through the storm. It was our first hotel stay together and money was very tight, but it was a romantic gesture. She cherished it until our son claimed it as his own personal “security blanket.”

I’m no expert, but didn’t you just use it as a noun in the post title?

There’s an amusement park in Maine that does “after dark” a few nights per year. Adults only and they serve drinks. It’s marketed toward millennials who grew up going to the park. I haven’t been, but it seems popular.

Data visualization.

A duck. It has web feet.

I said not me, as in I’m not a subject of Stockholm Syndrome in the culture I was born into.

Pssh, not me. I was born into a homophobic redneck culture and I hated it. I now consider myself an LGBTQ+ ally and computer nerd.