Where can you take a $3 Uber? If I took an Uber to my next door neighbor’s house it would be more than $3.

I had a boss years ago and I knew everything about his financial situation because he had hired me to trade S&P500 futures with/for him. He had about $20 million in stock, a beach house in South Carolina worth a couple million, and he owned a temp agency that paid him about $40,000 a month, so he was certainly rich by any normal human standards. But he had moved from San Francisco and was friends with a bunch of venture capital types who were all worth more than a couple of hundred million dollars, and it was obvious that his (relative) poverty absolutely burned him to his core. This was why he imagined that day-trading futures was going to be his key to the really big time - he could never see that the brokerages we dealt with were just scamming him.

My favorite thing about smartphones is that the “call” icon is an old-school telephone handset. I’ll bet younger people have never thought about what that thing is even supposed to be. My second-favorite is the gear icon for “settings” - like, what the fuck does a gear ring have to do with a list of options you can select? That isn’t even remotely close to what gears are used for in real-world mechanical devices.

I remember how I used to enjoy channel surfing with cable for hours on end. But that was because I would often land on the History Channel which was showing something about … history, or some other interesting channel. Now I try it once in a while while riding my exercycle and it’s just an absolute wasteland with nothing interesting on. How is it possible to have literally 1000+ channels without anything worth watching? Even the Food Channel has become worthless - now it’s just hours of the “Pioneer Woman”, a nasty creature who only has a cooking show because she’s married to one of the richest men and largest landowners in Oklahoma.

I actually really like short-format videos for recipes so you don’t have to watch somebody chopping onions for ten minutes. Also, Ronaldo highlights set to Brazilian phonk are kinda cool. Other than that, the format seems pretty worthless.

Well, I am a Prodigy at that sort of thing!

just because it’s innovative and disruptive to invent the machine gun doesn’t mean it’s good

That’s a great Maxim.

OP is unaware Logan’s Run was just a shitty movie - except for that open-sided dress, of course. Renew!

The penalty is usually a fine, which impacts stockholders by making the stock less valuable

Of course they can always compensate for this by firing a bunch of people.

Would you think those guys would know to do something about a dude on a roof with a rifle?

My house came with a real bollard, a 4" diameter steel pipe embedded in concrete, to protect its corner parking lot. It’s amazing how scraped up this thing is. I suppose I should put some kind of reflectors on it, but it’s more amusing to imagine dumbasses running into it at the same frequency they drive up on my lawn.

I have a giant oak tree next to my house, perfectly positioned so that my house is in direct sunlight in the morning but completely shaded by the tree from noon onwards, so even when it’s 100°F outside my house doesn’t get above the low 80s. I love that tree - except for right now when I have to rake the fucking yard.

It’s a slur for Asians, more specifically Vietnamese. I can actually trigger my coworker to say it, by merely mentioning that I like Chinese food.

Even before AI, I definitely encountered people writing things on their CV with no actual idea about them.

I’ve actually done more than one phone interview where I would ask a question and then hear either keyboard tapping or multiple people whispering (or both) in the background during the long pause before the interviewee answered. It was hard to not just laugh and hang up on them.

I will never implement a sort IRL

My answer to “what’s the best sorting algorithm” is “the SORT BY clause in SQL”.

I retired as a programmer five years ago and now I drive a school bus. The difference in acceptable workplace behavior is pretty stark. In my software companies, nobody ever came anywhere close to saying anything even vaguely racist; meanwhile in the bus garage people routinely use the n-word and the g-word. And it’s not like this is Mississippi or anything - this is a suburb of Philadelphia where the entire transportation department would probably be sacked if parents were ever to become aware of how their bus drivers talk.

At my last company, they usually gave end-of-the-year bonuses instead of raises. They were pretty generous, usually amounting to about half of our annual salaries, but it of course prevented us from being guaranteed that level of compensation the following year. That’s why I always describe bonuses as raises followed by pay cuts.

I once quit my job at a software company I really hated. They were desperate to keep me around for the projects I was leading so they asked if I would work hourly for a while. I quoted them a go-fuck-yourselves hourly rate which they immediately agreed to, which made me even more angry about my prior years of poor compensation. I worked under this agreement for about half a year and further improved my effective hourly rate by not working very hard.

It’s funny how people who get their news exclusively from their Facebook feeds have never heard of Cambridge Analytica. I can’t imagine how that could happen.

You misspelled “harvest” and “organs”.