I never saw my parents together so for embarrassingly long I believed they didn’t know each other at all.

I was a flower girl in my father’s wedding at the age of 7. Bet his missis wasn’t delighted but her crotch goblins were not out of the nappies yet. The party was fab tho, proper village long table with prolly about hundred people in the middle of nowhere with a lot of live music, food and vodka.

I was in my teens (living with my grandma the whole life) when my mother asked if I want to come to the nearest town for family photos on Saturday and I said yeah no, it’s sauna day you know. Turned out I missed my mother’s wedding because I had to wash my hair. Still joined them in the afternoon for my mom’s birthday and as it turned out the afterparty. So yeah, technically I have attended both my parents’ weddings.

All the signs of becoming sentient

Thank you, it’s the sweetest!!!

I’ll take a cat sticker please, thankyouverymuch!

Beetroot is well known stool softener, in liquid and solid form. To keep regular, one should consume beetroot salad or soup once or twice a week.

My alarm cannot be anything with a real melody or I will hum it for hours on. I use some default tune what’s more of a trill, does the job. My text/email alert used to be popping the bottle cap sound, my current phone has some brrp noise close enough to a fart to make me giggle - I’m old but not mature.

As for ring tones, I used to purchase some for pocket change from the last page of the tv guide. All fun and games until all the old relatives started dropping like flies. It just doesn’t feel right to get an invitation to another funeral preceded by the Scissors Sisters ‘I don’t feel like dancing’ or Eamon’s ‘fuck you’. For a long time my ring tone was the old school land line ringing. From the moment I was able to choose the ring tone from my playlist it has been ‘Heavy Cross’ by Gossip. I feel it’s suitable for all occurrences while being only mine.

Osakmakwabane, he went by Osas

From the tip of your right thumb to your left nipple. Too sensible?

I know the voice I’m hearing it in

And Santa is not real

All the Rudolfs are roasted

That’s [greengrocer’s apostrophe](greengrocers apostrophe https://g.co/kgs/1gWQ9nT)

When people ask me where I’m from and the question is justified, I tell them and briefly describe the geographical position of my very small homeland. If anyone asks just to be nosy, I say I’m legal and stare them down. When the race is relevant like in GPs office, I’m white European/other. All depends on situation I’m asked.

Can you microwave a small amount or maybe heat on the stove in a sauce pot? Sour milk will curdle. Then just use it for pancakes instead of buttermilk

I believe it’s heavily dependent on your body shape what rise feels comfortable for you. Don’t know how you are shaped but I have been sausage-shaped for years, my boob, waist and hip circumference virtually the same. There was a narrower spot just about below the ribs so the most comfortable tights and leggings cover my navel. There was a case where my tights got swapped with my shorter friend’s ones and I had to make a walk of shame with a hangover (self inflicted, no regrets) in tights that no matter how high I hiked them, went fthumph after every five steps and rolled themselves around my crotch…

Now that menopause is basically here and my body fat is scooching from back to front, I’ve obtained lovely apple shape with waist bigger than hips. I got a pair of very stretchy footless tights where I can basically pull the edge up to my bra. Ultimate comfort, no rolling, no slipping, smooth like a seal.

I guess if you have low hips then low rise feels much more comfortable and high rise starts rolling whereas high hips need to be covered higher to anchor the waist behind something.

Decades ago, my mother worked with a small group of women. Every day they spent a few hours together in the office before going out. There was one lady with lacking personal hygiene, quite whiffy and rather oblivious about that. It was about that time the stick deodorants became available in our post soviet country, I believe the Speedstick was the first brand to take the market. So for Christmas for secret santa they got her the deodorant. It was a passive aggressive move, the things could have gone really wrong. She was happy with the gift but the things didn’t improve much. The following year they got her another stick deodorant, hoping to get the message through. She unwrapped the gift and excitedly thanked them, saying that the previous one was almost finished. Bless her, she only used it as a perfume on special occasions…

Apparently you can even make meringue with it. Haven’t tried that but I often make mayonnaise with aquafaba.

All over it, non native English speaker who loves chocolate

Chocolate fudge pudding pie… that’s a dessert that just keeps on giving, I’d be so over that

I’m a trained chef working the trade for 30 years. 2 years in vocational school, a year for cooking and a year for bakery/patisserie. I’m a really confident cook - the concept of different cuisines, the basic ingredients and seasonings, no probs. Baking is still a rocket science for me. My current head chef said baking is fun if you know what you are doing but I’m still after 30 years not fully confident about the consistency.