I’m trying to retake the medication that I took back in high school (Concerta) so I can study for and eventually take the Comptia A+ exam. The idea being that I’ve a decently-paying remote job that will benefit both my wife and I. My wife, however, refuses to let me get my meds. This isn’t the first we’ve had this conversion and every time she says the same thing: “You just need to focus naturally”, “It’s all in your head”, “Doctors are only in it for themselves” and so on. There’s no getting through to her and I’m tired of trying to get to reason with me. I think I’m going to get my meds in secret and hide them. I know that this is a bad idea but she leaves me no choice. Any advice?
I had the same mindset as your wife for 15 years. I just started on ADHD meds yesterday. My entire life is transformed. My anxiety about doing tasks doesn’t exist anymore. I have more energy to get things done. My emotional noise is zero. I was an idiot for 15 years.
Don’t let her rob you of daily life unburdened. If she can’t understand that ADHD means your brain is physically structured differently, then she’s not very respectful of your or your well-being.
“This is my health and I’m going to speak about this with a doctor. I love you and appreciate your perspective, but this is my decision to make. If any changes as a result of this impact you, we can discuss them, but I’ve made my decision and I expect you to respect it the same as I respect the decisions you make about your health.”
The fact that she thinks she gets to decide what medications you get to take is nuts to me. This is a boundary it’s very worth building and maintaining. If side effects impact her then you can negotiate, but it’s your body. You have the autonomy to decide what happens to it. She’s just a trusted advisor on the matter of your body.
Not going to comment on the meds, but if you are just taking A+ in hopes it will help get jobs, I’m not sure it’s the best time spent. I’ve been in IT for over a decade, and no one ever cares about A+ cents. Some of the worst techs I’ve interviewed have had A+, and some of the best did not.
If you focus more of building random projects, setup a homelab for example, I think you’ll gain a lot more real world knowledge which goes a long way in interviews.
I’d say do both. Get the cert, but do cool shit in your spare time.
Not in IT, but I’m convinced ive been hired many times because I do a lot of interesting stuff people find useful, like repair cars (simple maintenance to full on engine rebuilds and some body work), read a lot of books, recording and mixing music, repairing electronics etc. It shows them right off that I’m a problem solver who is agile, which is what they really want.
Some of the worst technical people I’ve ever worked with had bachelor degrees in computer science, so there is that.
I beg to differ. Certs are the way to get your foot in the door. It used to always be about the degree but now they’re only interested in what certs you have, the shift happened right after getting my degree.
Are any of the other certs better, like the Sec+?
Honestly not really, having them might help you get an interview, but if there is a more knowledgeable candidate that doesn’t have any certs at all, it’s likely they will still be chosen.
The best thing you can do is just be curious. Do you like networking? Setup some vlans at home and truly try to understand how they work. Don’t just memorize the steps you need to set one up.
More interested in server admin? Setup Proxmox on an old laptop, host a simple website on it. Figure out how reverse proxies work, and what they are used for.
There’s essentially endless paths you can take, just find something you think is cool and learn a ton about it. Interviewers can easily tell if you are passionate and knowledgeable, and those trump any certs 99% of the time.
Get everything you can get. Start with the A+ then get the Sec ones. A+ gives you a good foundation to get going and the more certs you have the better your chances. You can get a helpdesk job with A+ and from there you can get other certs.
Stick to your plan, don’t let people put you off.
As for your partner, get the meds and don’t tell her. Women over-think these things and despite what they’ll have you believe, they will underestimate what you’re feeling just as much as we can do to them. It’s that human “it worked for me, it’ll work for you” mentality we all fall into sometimes.
Stay consistent with your studies and good luck on your exam.
Ask her if she would have similar statements about a broken leg.
Also, honestly, having a partner deny something so present in life is horrible. Imagine her saying that about virtually any physically presenting disease or ailment, would it be acceptable?
Get your prescribed medication and maybe a new partner
Tell your doctor about the issue with your wife. They can help advocate for you.
“You just need to focus naturally”, “It’s all in your head”, “Doctors are only in it for themselves”
What if you struggled to see? Would she try to talk you out of glasses?
I’m sorry that you are in this position. She shouldn’t be controlling you like this. I’d recommend doing some level of couples counseling, this isn’t really an issue with your medication but your right to control your own body and life.
Advice? Couples counseling. If that doesn’t work, divorce. Your health should not be under scrutiny from someone who thinks it’s “all in your head.” This is one of those molehills that will become an insurmountable mountain.
I read the title and thought about some of the side effects and that’s valid (irritability, tiredness when it wears off, sexual dysfunction). But your comments show she doesn’t understand that it’s not a willpower thing, it’s a chemicals in your brain thing and no amount of willpower will change that - and in fact that kind of talk is actively harmful. There’s absolutely a lot that can be done with mindset etc. but the drugs are a tool that enables the coping strategies and mindset work! Otherwise it’s doomed to frustration and failure.
With that in mind - to be blunt - she needs to learn more about ADHD in order for the relationship to be healthy.
My wife, however, refuses to let me get my meds.
She doesn’t respect your bodily autonomy. Which is pretty much the most basic human right.
Don’t take your meds in secret. Take them in front of her and stand up for yourself. That is only your decision, she has absolutely no basis for challenging you on that.
If that leads to conflict, that is a conflict you need to have, and not back down on.
She doesn’t own you.This is it, unfortunately. Wife needs to educate herself and update her preconceived notions.
She refuses to let you get meds? This is extremely controlling behavior which sounds very concerning. You deserve bodily autonomy. If your wife were a man, this would immediately be called abuse.
I agree with the other comments saying to get counseling and not take your meds in secret.
Your wife doesn’t get to decide that, you do: This sounds dysfunctional AF.
As someone not part of the ADHD community and just stopping by from browsing, I gotta say: your health is your right. The only reason your wife should have any say in something like this is if it has in the past it put her in danger or caused significant issues with your marriage like: “well, last time you took your meds you had awful mood swings that were hard for me to understand and deal with”, or “last time you took your meds you almost got fired, putting our financial safety at risk”, etc. etc. If there is no history of something like this deeply affecting her, than your health is your right and you should get your meds if you and your doctor feel it would help.
If you have to hide a medical need from your spouse, that’s a relational problem that needs the help of therapy to address. Otherwise you’ll find yourself hiding everything and resenting her for it in 20 years.
I would suggest couples counseling with a therapist that has experience with ADHD clients.
THIS! This would be the most healthy and constructive way about addressing this if a simple conversation is not possible.
Just going together to the doctor that knows their medical history and can explain it to her might be good already.
