I got divorced like 5 months ago after a 9 years with this girl who cheated on me, emotionally abused me, etc etc
I’ve been suicidal since the split, getting worse by the day still, and literally nobody ever asked if I was OK, aside from my mom. Even when I begged close friends for support they basically just ghosted me. My ex is surrounded by support, from the same people who I thought were my best friends.
Do I just have shitty people around me or is this just what guys deal with? The attitude towards me is just “get over it”. I’ve lost almost everyone I’m close to because of this and I’m starting to think there might actually be one viable option of getting over it because existing is simply torture. All of 2025 felt like just a bad dream but it’s unfortunately real.
Edit: Yes I have a counselor - a very good one I see weekly.
People who are depressed often are unable to adhere to unwritten cultural social rules.
People in theory like to see themselves as supportive, but still will not react well to people violating unwritten cultural norms.
Example:
“i am so sad, this awful thing happen.”
“Don’t worry bro, it will get better, just pump iron and time will heal all. Hey do you want to see a funny video of my dog trying to bark at a roomba?”
(Awkward silence, breaking social rule of reciprocity) (long pause) “sure…”
(Video of dog)
(No laughter or comments, breaking rule that friends are supposed to be fun, react to things)
Result: next time depressed guy calls, “bro” will be too busy to pick up
Because people want to think of themselves as reliable and always there and supporting mental health, “bro” will never admit to himself the reason he is doing this, nor will it even be logically articulated. Instead he’ll think “i feel bad but im so busy lately” and just not take the call or forget to answer
This is completely in contrast with someone who is slightly depressed or dealing with something slightly difficult but not actually that depressed and able to adhere to social norms. For that person, they will get tons of superficial sound-bite support in between other normal acceptable activities and conversations. The “supporter” feels like a super hero for caring about mental health, and really it’s just two people hanging out, neither of whom really have major mental health issues.
I would suggest if you are really brutally clinically depressed, do not interact that much with your network until you are feeling a bit better because people are that shallow sometimes. Instead, do things like volunteer at community organizations in which more hands on deck is good, and if you cancel it’s not a big deal. (ie making food for homeless people)
Also the truth is many people are shitty in general. I don’t think this is something caused by you. I also think that much of the advice about mental health and depression is about making paychiatrists and mental health professionals look good and people feel good.
things like “talk about your mental health issues” and “help is available” and “prioritize mental health” all feel like lies that make other people feel better. But what if instead the truth was told? “Prioritize having food and being able to pay rent. Do not talk about your mental health issues ever except to trained professionals. Help is available and horrendously expensive; if you can cry and be sad 6 months and then go back to normal without rip-off doctors and professionals, you are much better off.”
So it’s not you at all. People are assholes and the mental health industry gives lucrative self-serving advice to glorify and protect the industry while screwing over people who would be better helped by the truth.