A coworker asks what you’re bringing to the potluck. What’s the worst response?
“You’re not a friend, you’re a coworker. Why would I ever do something with you outside of work?”
Any gelatine dish recipe from the 40s and 50s.
Olive and ham aspic
Jell-O Salad. Like the carrots, peas, corn and broccoli in jello, slathered in mayonnaise dish.
Aspic
Dude, I don’t think you can say that.
‘a historical 80s dish’
40’s/50’s thing. Easy to make boxed gelatin had basically just come out and people went a little crazy with it.
Oooh yeah you are right
I’m no longer allowed to setup “Chili Mystery Mayhem” for work after the incident.
And if I do bring chili, it has to be one of my “ultra-mild” varieties.
I need more details on this incident lol, although I can imagine. Side note, I want some of that chilli!!
it
was
YOU
Sardine salad.
Ingredients:
2 can of Sardines in Olive Oil—quality brand: count 1 ½ sardines for each guest.
Baby green spinach (about 7 to 9 oz)
Kalamata olives pitted at least a dozen cut in half in the length
Cherry tomatoes—different colors best: about 1/3 pint
½ red bell pepper: sliced thinly in the width to make circular shapes to halve.
1 shallot—medium size thinly sliced
1 or 2 cloves of garlic crushed
Fresh thyme, destemmed ½ teaspoon or more
Olive oil (in addition from the oil from the can) 2-3 tablespoon
Balsamic vinegar 1 tablespoon or more
some lemon zest
Dijon mustard: 1 teaspoon or more
hot pepper flakes—some to taste
Pepper and salt to taste
Grated aged parmesan 1 to 2 oz
Directions:
Drain sardines from the can, set them aside and reserve the oil. Half each sardine in length. If needed remove bones for aesthetic though they are edible and a good source of calcium and phosphate. If you want to make a more substantial meal salad, you may put whole sardines.
In a large bowl mix tomatoes, Kalamata olive and spinach
Dressing:
In a hot pan, heat some fresh olive oil and on low heat cook garlic till light blond, and add shallot slices till translucent. Adding a bit more oil if needed sauté bell pepper for a couple of minutes on higher heat to make it a bit tender. Remove mixture from oil and set aside. When cooled down, mix them in the salad greens.
In the same pan, add sardines and warm them gently for a minute. Remove them and set aside.
Remove the pan from heat and while it is still warm, make dressing in it by some balsamic vinegar, Dijon mustard stirring vigorously to make a thin paste in which to emulsify the olive oill from the can. Integrate thyme and lemon zest. Adjust acidity and sweetness with balsamic vinegar.
Pour over salad mixture and toss. Add grated parmesan and toss gently.
Top salad with sardines heads pointing inward in a concentric pattern, each sardine at equidistant degrees from one another.
Best served with some hearty toasted bread—unless you crave for that open-faced broiled cheese sandwich mentioned above.
Boiled egg option:
The Sardinian version of this sardine salad as it was conveyed to me add to the greens one sliced hard boiled for 2 guests. It is in a way reminiscent of a salade Niçoise, which is not totally surprising as in the ports of the Mediterranean a certain cousinship can be traced in the turning and the tossing of ingredients and people.
I’m not even fond of sardines and that sounds incredibly delicious!
I would eat the f*ck out of that
More power to you. My grandma made something like that and fed it to me for a week. I hated it.
garlic till
Instructions unclear, can’t find till reserved for garlic.
I didn’t proofread the recipe, I just copied it.
Fish, I want it to be fresh so I’ll just microwave it here at the office right before lunch.
Same answer but for porkchops
Same answer but for eggs
Lime Jello Ham Salad with grapes and pimento olives
Ah yes, the worst parts of different recipes thrown together. Nice.
Wtf…
A fictional response, but based on some actual potluck jello salads I tasted as a child. Ham isn’t so bad but those martini olives were a nasty surprise.
Used to entertain myself reading old cookbooks my grandmother had as a kid, yeah, I’ve seen a lot of pictures of those. I at least hope those abominations stay before my time.
Myself.
Tupperware
An otherwise normal dish.
The trick is to also give this book at the secret santa, while making sure your dish is a perfect match, visually for one in the book.!
I’m bringing long pork. It’s my great grandfather’s recipe from his sailing days. Also Greg told me he can’t make it because he’s going off-grid for a while. He said you shouldn’t worry about him, he’s fine, but he quits because he hates all of you. He went into details but I won’t repeat them. If you try to contact him he’ll say hurtful things to you like he did to me, so don’t even try. He’s fine, he hates all of you, don’t look for him, enjoy the long pork.
I know it’s tacky to reply to my own comment but I was imagining how that conversation would go and wanted to add it here.
Coworker: wow that’s unexpected. I’m kind of shocked to hear that
Me: Greg was too. When I spoke to him he looked very very shocked… At his recent decision. Shocked but also fine … Looked very healthy… Happier than ever. He was actually so happy about is sudden decision to stop talking to all of his friends and family that he left immediately. I was like "hey Greg shouldn’t you pack a bag, or atleast take your wallet, keys, and other important items with you before you leave to the wilderness forever " but he said “no. I choose to not prepare at all because I’m no longer interested in any of my worldly possessions. All I ask is that before leaving you should touch all my knifes and various other places around my apartment. Also throw out my plastic tarp i keep in the storage closet and ask all of my previous friends to never attempt to find or contact me” of course I agreed because how could I refuse a man’s last request before he leaves permanently and immediately to live completely alone in the woods.
why hasn’t Greg returned any of my calls Aeao
I hate to deliver bad news which is why I didn’t speak to you directly… He was very clear that although he hated everyone he specifically mentioned hating you because he finds your calls annoying and he says your most unattractive quality is how concerned you are with the safety of others. It was pretty cold of him to say. I understand tho that you can’t help the clearly negative part of your personality so what I can do is say that anytime you want an update on Greg just ask me, and only me … so that other people don’t see how annoying you are. I’m the only one who will understand and help you. So just ask only me and I’ll tell you how Greg is doing alone in the woods. I hear he’s started a sour dough culture. He’s doing very very well.
Remember tho, only me. If you ask anyone else they will leave you, like Greg left you. So we have to keep this a secret or else everyone will hate you. I’m the only one who won’t leave you… Because I care.
oh actually. he’s a dick. we just needed him to sign his timesheet. but. he can go pound sand. btw thanks for the “long pork” it is so good
Oh… Right… Well I wouldn’t bother with that or be surprised if he doesn’t cash his final check. With his new lifestyle and all… Sign paper work and cashing checks wouldnt be very off-grid of him. I bet he would feel like that’s a kind of a communication to the outside and he was very clear he doesn’t want to do that- actually on second thought I think he wouldn’t mind if I brought it to him in cash. I mean he doesn’t believe in worldly possessions like I said but he was a man of principle. How about just send his final check to me and Ill give him cash. That we you can still give him what he’s owed but he doesn’t have to talk to anyone or confirm his whereabouts, which again is something he does not want. That was his main problem, does not want anyone to contact or look for him. I can bring his paycheck to him in cash tho. That’s probably fine. I owe him atleast that much for keeping me fed the last two weeks-Metaphorically speaking of course ! You know how like Deb in accounting is in a way keeping food on our table. Greg’s fine. Great guy. Doesn’t want to be found.
Deb was at his wedding!!! Let’s ask her! Deb, did you get that pull request with Greg completed? He never signed his time card. No thank you. I tried the dip. It was great. But have you heard from him
You and I must know the same Greg!
May as well say Cazu Marzu at that point. Or Balut.
The pot
Fresh Durian
Durian smoothies.
These are good in a weird way, at least for a bit until I get sick of the taste
